by Caitlin Boos
For some, being single can feel like a minor misfortune; for all, being the absolute last of your single friends to couple, can feel like an endless stint of isolation and uncomfortable experiences. Though it’s not necessarily the absence of a partner that constitutes the onslaught of awkward, it’s more the cognitive dissonance and increased distance, between you and your girls that makes everything seem so awful. While sudden changes in schedules and abrupt amendments to what constitutes a “night out” aren’t overly enjoyable, it is still possible to navigate sole singledom without developing a pessimistic outlook! Regardless of how overwhelmingly “male” your friends’ lives have become, you also, don’t have to acquiesce to their personal paths in order to preserve the tight-knit, affectionate dynamic. As opposed to wallowing in nihilism or forcing an undesired romance, the following advice is how to thrive as an unrestrained, independent woman, even while in a coven of eagerly, committed girlfriends.
Avoid Inherently Upsetting Spaces
A primary conundrum often associated with sole singledom, is being the sole, single person at an event hosted by either your girlfriends or their equally engaged acquaintances and consequently, feeling incredibly insecure about such. While it may be brash, the infallible remedy of deflecting these embarrassing emotions is simply, avoiding the spaces that incite them! Though you may be compelled to make an appearance at any affair planned or attended by your girls, an environment comprised primarily of couples, will surely be a menace to your self-esteem. To be genuinely happy, you must consume positive stimuli and abstain from negative energies, and a room overflown with preoccupied partners is likely abundant in the latter. Empathetically explain to your girls how existing in spaces in which you are the lone, single person, is emotionally taxing and quite destructive to your self-confidence. Offer social alternatives acquiescent to both yours and theirs comfort parameters and bid adieu to that uneasy, isolating awkwardness.
Be Unbothered by External Pressures
Depending on our age and environment, we may already be so exhausted by the Greek choir of opinions on our personal lives, that when our friends decide to chime in as well, we no longer find ourselves able to cope. Remaining unwavering in optimistic singledom is made much more wearying when the girls we adore opt to offer up advice on how best to pursue a partner but alas, there are indeed ways to persevere! Standing in staunch opposition to any date they attempt to set up, as well as avidly voicing your disinterest in their assistance, should discourage their dismissal of your independence. Though you may innately seek the praise of your girlfriends’, don’t allow their disapproval of you not “settling down”, to affect any, or lack thereof, of your romantic endeavors! Disregard rhetoric aimed at persuading or petrifying you into something you don’t desire- there’s no reason to rush into a relationship you aren’t earnestly ecstatic about.
Indulge in Unbridled Singledom
One of the premier positives of being on your lonesome, is the sole control you have over every aspect of your life due to the absolute absence of pre-existing attachments. Without another to affect your decisions, the freedoms of selfishness and hedonism are innately awarded to you- what do you intend to make of this? Painstakingly pursuing ambitions and accepting exotic opportunities are phenomenal ways to maximize your independence while also furthering your career. Experimenting with your lifestyle and seeking out adventure will introduce you to new experiences you can embrace wholeheartedly without the burden of a partner. Obviously, indulging in impulsiveness and uninhibition are implored pursuits, as spontaneity is the keystone of singledom! Seek as much pleasure and enjoyment from life as you can; make every moment of breath an instance of pure bliss. Act on whims, satisfy lusts, carouse with reckless abandon, and perhaps even dabble in the art of casual hookups…
Expand Your Current Social Circle
While requesting your friends revise which events they invite you to is an effective way of ensuring your social needs are met, you may additionally benefit from meeting new people with similarly single lifestyles. Your girls can only empathize with your unbridled independence to such an extent and thus, conversations might become cumbersome and schedules may conflict frequently. Though I oppose abandoning your coven, interacting with an additional group of more akin individuals when their routines are aligned with yours will likely be very fulfilling! Broadening your social spectrum does not negate your standing relationships, but rather, provides you with an outlet for your more raucous desires and uninhibited ideas. Your new clique will be equally excited to act upon impulsivity and spontaneity, thereby allowing you to experience all the opportunities independence affords. Once the rebellion is expelled, you can return to your girls in a settled headspace, with a more compatible outlook to resume the routine as normal!
Embrace Activity on Your Lonesome
My final piece of advice for fully embracing your status as a single lady is to solitarily venture out into your surroundings without a pang of shame or self-consciousness! While most of us live in societies dominated by notions which discourage our independence (i.e. the stigma around dining alone), defying these norms and braving the world is truly an empowering experience. Normalize for yourself a solo night on the town or a midday date made solely for you! Attend an adored event, indulge in a favorite past-time, or mindlessly wander around the city you call home, all by yourself! Merely not having a companion should never dissuade you from an exciting outing nor a sought-after activity, as there is simply no scandal in enjoying things on your lonesome. Evading your comfort zone and shattering stigmas are at the epitome of embracing independence. Explore, regale and relish the world around you, as-you-so-desire, and without the faintest hesitation!
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