Updated: Apr 5
Photography provided by author, Melody Godfred
Fall in love with the person who isn’t just going to love you but will guide you in learning to love yourself. It is through this kindness that you will learn to be a little kinder to yourself, and it is through their forgiveness that you will learn to forgive yourself for things you no longer wish to speak of.
It is highly recommended that you should love yourself before you love someone else. But sometimes we forget to realize that it might take another person’s example of love to make us understand the meaning and value of self-love. And at times it takes another to show us how we need to be with ourselves.
The truth is, self-love is tricky. We are all programmed to see flaws. When we look in a mirror, we immediately spot the things that make us different, we immediately see the things we think we fall short of. We look at ourselves every single day and get used to hearing the critics in our minds. But what we fail to realize is that even though we think we know ourselves so well, we truly do not know what it’s like to be seen through the eyes of someone who has never met us before. In the beginning, when you meet someone you might think that they see what you see every day: the curves you cannot hide, the imperfections make-up cannot cover, or the fly-a-ways that will not stay hidden. From that point, it is common to make up scenarios you believe will end in failures. But in all honesty, that person is not looking at the things you are insecure about. They are not judging you for the mistake you made last week. They are just looking at you and what they see blows them away, because what they see is your beauty. They are looking at how your body dances when you laugh, at how your eyes shine when you smile, and how you glow when you talk about something you love. They are looking at you, the raw and unique version. And once that person gets to know you, that attraction gets replaced by emotional connection. Sure, over time they may notice some flaws because no one is perfect, but they are not fixating on them as you do. They see the quirks that make you different and they move past them because you are still perfect in their eyes.
So please, do not look at your flaws as something bad. Do not look at them as something that makes you unattractive to someone else. Because it is those flaws that make you human. It is those flaws that make you special. It is those flaws that connect you with others. It is your deepest insecurities and everything you hate about yourself that makes you real. If we were all made perfect, we wouldn’t feel the need to connect or love someone else. And the saying that you don’t need someone else is wrong because there isn’t a person on this planet who is supposed to be alone. Everyone needs companionship, a friend or a lover. Everyone needs someone, and sometimes it’s because we need them to teach us that self-love is something that we all desperately need.
So, fall for the person who will teach you to be kinder to yourself. Fall for the person who will teach you to treat yourself better and who loves everything about you, especially if you cannot fully reach that point. Fall for the person who consistently makes you better without ever changing a hair on your head because this is the relationship that will change your life and teach you how you deserve to be treated, from others and yourself.
Pick up your copy of The ABC's of Self Love on Amazon.
Get more relationship advice from Kayla in She's SINGLE Magazine