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Once a Guy Loses Interest Can You Get It Back?

by Danielle Wright & Lisa K. Stephenson, Relationship Coach & Author

If you ever have to wonder where you stand, stand somewhere else.

Loving the wrong person is exhausting. It’s a painful process because you slowly begin to deteriorate from the inside out; you lose that smile everyone loved so much, and your motivation and your external beauty begin to fade. Wondering and worrying about someone else who is scientifically not programmed to do the same, will no doubt cause you stress. But the good news is, rain gives us hope.

It wasn’t too long ago that I was crying over a failed relationship, but the tears dried once I realized that everything happened for a reason. What I endured needed to happen so that I could become the woman I am today.

That feeling when your heart sinks to your ankles or your hands tremble when you type a message…the feeling when your mind begins to race and all you want to do is lay in bed all day because if you stand or sit, you’re going to just cry. Yes, we all know that feeling too well, but the good news is, that feeling does not last forever. And even better, there are ways you can avoid ever feeling that way again or in the first place.

We hear it all the time, men are simple. This is true and so are humans, overall. Think back to a time when there was a man interested in you but you did not share in his sentiment. How did you treat him? What was your attitude towards him? I believe that once you visualize that experience you’ll begin to see where I am coming from. No? Not yet?

Okay. So, let’s imagine a guy approaches you and he’s just not your type physically. How do you handle the situation? Do you ignore him for a few days? Months? Or to be polite do you speak to him on and off until you simply do not feel like it anymore? The truth is, you don’t owe him anything and so you’re less likely to be kind towards him and give him the time of day.

It is because men are logical—or so they would like us to believe—the action is simple. If they like you, they will talk to you. If they do not like you, they will not speak to you. On the other hand, if you’ve been intimate with him and he can get something out of you, he will tolerate you.

When a man loses interest it’s usually because of a few things:

  • You’ve become too predictable

  • You’ve made him the center of your universe

  • You’re no longer a mystery

  • He’s grown bored of the relationship

  • You no longer take pride in your appearance

  • You made things too easy for him

All of that is easy to do when you’ve fallen in love and as women, we are naturally born and bred to put others needs before our own. But did you know, the more selfish you are, the more in love he will become?


Interest is the state of wanting to know or learn about something or someone. When you go to college you take up an interest in something…meaning you want to learn more about it. What happens once you’ve acquired the knowledge? You either look forward to putting that information to use to help make you more money or you go on to learn something else.

Most men opt for the latter in relationships because the incentive for learning everything about your partner is not financial freedom, rather in most cases because the man is the provider, it leads to him investing more aka losing money.

Let me break this down further:

PUTTING THE INFORMATION TO USE: When men learn enough about you, their interest will slowly fade. They can then use this information to become the version of themselves they know will attract and keep you long enough for either sex or companionship. Once they have replaced you, they will begin to change towards you and move onto someone new who they will now have taken a new interest. She is the new conquest, the mystery if you will.

LEARN SOMETHING ELSE: Have you ever wondered why some men monkey branch from one relationship to the next, never really mourning their relationships or taking the time to heal? Men do not grieve past relationships if they did not deem them valuable in the first place. What are the things we value?

  • Things we pay for

  • Things that require a great deal of effort to earn

  • Things that seem attainable, but are hard to attain (money)

As a woman looking to hold a man’s interest, you have to accept that you are the priority—both for yourself and him. If not, you need to be the one who is unafraid to go and learn something new; take an interest in someone else.

Related articles: Signs He Will Never Change

So, the question is, once a guy loses interest can you get it back? “The answer is yes, but you must reinvent yourself. Ever wonder why there are so many editions of one book? It’s to recapture the interest of their initial audience. New editions are created to correct typos or add valuable new material. You are not a typo, of course, but this is your chance to fix the old you. If you were too needy before, fix it.

Work on putting yourself and your needs first. Only reciprocate the energy given to you. As for valuable material, be sure to take this advice and store it in your mental database. This is the new and improved you that he will want to get to know all over again. You have new information about yourself that he is dying to learn about. But, you do not pursue a man, let him come to you. If he never returns, then you have your answer. Move forward with grace and apply this new you to your new relationship for better results.” Lisa K. Stephenson says.


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