Stop Accepting the Bare Minimum | She's SINGLE Magazine
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Stop Accepting The Bare Minimum!

by Marisol Houston

Her: My boyfriend doesn't even do the bare minimum....

Me: Sis, why are you even calling him your boyfriend?


The tides are turning and we couldn’t be happier. More and more women are getting wiser and demanding healthier relationships. Thus, here comes the rise of lonely, single men. According to an article written by Greg Matos, PsyD, “Younger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve been in generations, and it's probably going to get worse.”


He continues, “Men have a key role in this transformation but only if they go all-in. It’s going to take that kind of commitment to themselves, to their mental health, and to the kind of love they want to generate in the world.”


WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

We live in a hookup culture where no one really understands the true meaning of love: what it is or how it goes. Men are numbing their sexual urges with porn and women are holding back on sex because it seems that is all most men are after. Once the sex happens, the games really begin and the man loses interest.


Most women want healthy communication, dates, commitment and love – and were conditioned to believe that to get those things sex had to happen first. Believing this to be the way of getting a guy’s attention is a deafening attempt at finding love. Then, the bare minimum was born. A man who will withhold affection, non-sex time, communication, and more to make a woman feel like if she gives in sexually that will unlock his heart and all of her wishes will come true.

Related articles: Ending Toxic Relationships


Well, if you’re reading this article, we’ve got some good news. Women are fed up and things are changing. One user wrote, “It's only going to get worse for men as more women decide to become single and celibate. Women are waking up and not playing around anymore. We're starting to understand our worth and value. The days of women giving it up freely are slowly dying. If a man wants something from us, he will have to start proving it. Women are waking up to the duties.”


WHAT DOES THE BARE MINIMUM CONSIST OF?

First, and most importantly is RESPECT. According to Treva Brandon Scharf, ICF Certified Life and Dating Relationship Coach, “Respect in a relationship consists of a mutual understanding, compromise and consideration. It’s allowing each other to be authentic without judgment and allowing for differences of opinion, and always practicing kindness with one another.” If someone does not respect you, they will not do the things needed for your relationship to grow.


SECOND OPTION:

I experienced this, and I have to say, it sucks! When a man is not prioritizing you and your needs, this means he does not see you as someone he respects and truly cares for. It's never right to make the other person feel like an afterthought or something to do when there’s nothing else to do. It’s part of the low standards in a relationship and no one deserves such treatment.


PHONE CALLS:

This should go without saying. A man should pick up the phone and call you if he truly wants to get to know you and build a future. If all he’s reduced you to is sex and texting, then he is not the one. He should have a genuine interest in your life, the things you have going on, and find ways to include himself.


COMPLIMENTS:

Men do not date women they are not attracted to. So, if you are not receiving compliments and he is not showing you any affection this is because he wants you to seek his validation in other ways. This could be sex, cooking, cleaning, or giving him money. It could be a plethora of things where you become a codependent giver. You do not need a man to validate you. You have to be enough for yourself and love yourself enough to be clear about your boundaries and willing to step away if/when something is not serving you.


DATES:

I can’t stress this enough! Dating is a huge part of romance and keeping the romance alive is highly significant for any relationship, no matter which stage of the relationship you’re in. If he’s not sending you flowers or taking you on dates or planning trips for you and him to spend more quality time together, he is not interested.


Men groom women to accept the bare minimum and it usually starts after the sex. So, in the beginning, he may do all these wonderful things, and then you’ll notice he begins pulling back and you’re asking him for a date or to call you more. Oftentimes this is done on purpose to confuse you and keep you where he wants you: stuck on stupid.


Men exhibiting these behaviors are no longer considerate of your time, your opinions or your voice – stripping you of having any influence over them. If you’re experiencing any of the above, it is time to cut him loose.


Joseph Puglisi, Founder of Dating Iconic says, “When you have talked and communicated your feelings to your partner and how their actions have made you feel, and they don’t seem to change, or if their words don’t match their actions, that’s manipulation and its best to leave the relationship. Don’t wait until it becomes toxic before you call it quits.”


Remember, without commitment, there is no relationship. If you’re in the talking stage, dating or have been together for months or years, commitment means an agreement on mutual terms for both parties involved. Do not chase love or a commitment from anyone. Men are leaders and men know what they want. He is not confused or needs to take things slow or is terrified of commitment. He is stringing you along and keeping you around until he finds what he is looking for.


A person entering your life should add value to it. If you take a step back and truly analyze your relationship, ask yourself, am I getting any value? Is this person making my life easier or harder? Be sure to practice self-love, and set yourself free because as I’ve stated earlier, dating is getting harder for men, and guess what? That means YOU now have more options.

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