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Can a Soulmate Be A Friend?

by Danielle Wright

Getty Images: Todd Williamson/ Contributor

We all want love because the truth is, there is someone for everyone. But many of us can get discouraged when things seem to be taking longer than anticipated. “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he?” A distressed Charlotte York blurted while having breakfast among friends in an episode of Sex and the City.

But could it be possible that our soulmate has been in our lives the entire time? According to Dr. Michael Tobin, a soulmate is someone to who you feel deeply connected, but not in a dependent or needy way. The guiding principle in a relationship between soulmates is that needs are equally met because a soulmate relationship should challenge you to move selfishness to giving.

Today, many single millennials are rushing into relationships to avoid being alone. A whopping 63% of relationships are rebound relationships. According to Psychologist and Certified Relationship Coach, Joseph Moore, “Most people enter rebound relationships unconsciously. The desire not to appear single before your ex is one major reason people enter rebound relationships,” he says. “People need to take a break after a relationship ends. The more you want to start a relationship after a fresh breakup, the more you should avoid it.”

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But if you’re not actively dating and going from one mate to the next, how can you find your soulmate? Well, the trick is to simply stop looking for a relationship. You have to first understand that humans are not meant to be alone, yet the purpose of a relationship is not only to get your individual needs met but to accept it as a challenge to grow—helping your partner to reach their potential.

There is no perfect time to meet a soulmate. Some people discover their soulmate in a close friend. This is not impossible because when we see someone as just a friend versus a romantic interest the pressure is off. There are no expectations for fulfillment placed on this individual, they are free to be themselves; you as well.

In this case, you can fall in love with someone who is making no real effort to impress you but has a hand in helping you grow. When we are looking to romance someone or impress them, we often wear a mask of perfection. Afraid of being seen for who and what we truly are. With friendships, there is no need for a mask only full transparency – after all, what is there to lose? It is usually during these moments that romantic relationships are born. However, there are different types of soulmates to consider:


A soul partner is someone who no matter how long it’s been, once you reconnect there is a click. Almost as though you’ve never skipped a beat. While studying psychology, I learned of an ‘anniversary reaction’. This can correlate to a soul partner as well. For example, a person whom you’ve loved dearly passes away, each year on that particular day your body will automatically mourn this individual. It is a response to unresolved grief resulting from significant losses.


A friendship can turn into a romantic soulmate. A person who ignites the other’s passion throughout their time together. Many celebrities have spoken up about their partners being their soulmates but were friends first. It is not uncommon. A romantic soulmate can bring one another to heights of physical and emotional pleasure. So, maybe that friend you’ve turned down for a date could just be the person you’re looking for.


This kind of relationship does not require love or intimacy to achieve and can oftentimes be a relationship where two people come together for a particular cause. Otherwise, a lesson is to be learned.

When you’ve met your soulmate, it is not hard to tell. You are connected no matter what you do or where you go, you can feel one another’s pain. I am a firm believer that humans are not perfect, but if a person is your soulmate, it will hurt them to hurt you and this is usually why it is safe to say that when you are in love with someone you cannot see yourself causing them emotional or physical pain. A soulmate can take us out of complacency—whether this is with ourselves, jobs, or day-to-day routines we’ve become accustomed to.

As a final note, it is not impossible for FWB (Friends with Benefits) to feel like soulmates. This type of relationship status is not ideal but not uncommon. Sexual intercourse can lead to soul ties. If you are not intentional in your endeavors though, you can wind up hurt.

You should release yourself from the shackles of companionship and see finding your soul mate as a beautiful journey that can start with the person whom you least expect. “It’s hard to imagine soulmates who don’t bleed with one another, who don’t feel one another’s pain, who are absent of empathy and compassion.” Tobin says.

A friendship soulmate is a connection you can trust and a good place to start to build love. You can always run to this person, tell them anything and never get bored.

“Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.” – Richard Bach


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