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How to Stop Being Codependent With a Narcissist

by Danielle Wright

Would you believe me if I told you that social media is responsible for creating more narcissists than ever before?

The first psychologist who used the term ‘Narcissus-like” clinically was Havelock Ellis (1898), linking the condition to autoeroticism. Autoeroticism is when one perceives themselves as their own sexual object. Pathological self-absorption was not as rampant as it is today, with social media influencers going out in public and raging at restaurant staff for not being recognized or having their meal comped.

Comping a meal is an action—typically by restaurant operators, managers—to pay for a guest’s meal as a gesture of hospitality and kindness. But when a narcissist perceives themselves as superior to those around them, these kind gestures are now considered mandatory.

Narcissism can rear its head almost anywhere—romantic and platonic relationships, the workplace, family functions, and now, online. Twitch users have been seen and heard barking at fans who do not compensate them or pay subscriptions for their services because they believe themselves to be entitled to it. Regardless of the fact that the platform they’ve chosen to stream on does not make this kind of exchange mandatory.

We can view narcissism as a psychological disorder that is true to its definition because narcissists believe that rules should be different for them. They do not adhere to the set rules; they march to their own drum and are aware that the people around them who do not have this inflated sense of self will bend to their will…eventually. This is where an empath or a codependent giver comes into play.

We should all know by now that narcissists attract empaths because empaths are givers and nurturers. They have no problem taking care of the people they love and behaving in ways that are considered good social practice or decorum, if you will.

A narcissist is not incapable of love; after all, they love themselves—but more importantly, they love those who love them. If you’re codependent on a narcissist, it means that you are a giver and you need their appreciation and validation of your actions to feel secure and happy on a daily basis. You’re being bamboozled into believing that the person you’re with is in love with you because of who you are and what you stand for. But that is not true.

A narcissist can date and “love” just about anyone. They do not need you to look the part; they need you to make them feel the way they believe they are in their head—Godlike. Your appearance is not as important to them as their reputation is. In cases like this, you may find that a woman may be unattractive but is dating a very attractive man who views himself as the prize. His inflated sense of self allows him to find beauty in the person he’s with simply because that person enables him and feeds into his delusion.

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This narcissist will never treat you well; it will never be an equal give-and-take, and you will never find happiness with them when your happiness depends on them. You are not the priority; you are the scapegoat, the fool, the carpet. Your existence in their life is to keep them elevated. The only way to release yourself from this position is to simply leave. There is no guide on how to deal with a narcissist because a person with this personality disorder will not undergo additional changes; they’ve already done the changing once before to become who they are now.

Narcissists are not born; they’re made. No amount of begging or crying will help; you will only continue to feed their ego when they see that you are unable and unwilling to let them go. Think of it like this: if you were consciously mistreating someone or something because you have no true desire for it and they know this but refuse to walk away from you, would you suddenly see their value and change your ways? The answer is no; you may develop pity for that person, but it will never be love. If love is what you want, pity is what you should repel.

Don’t ever let a narcissist pity you. If you can prove to a narcissist that no matter how vile, corrupt, unkind, and disrespectful they are towards you, you will continue to shine your good light on them, they will run you into the ground, and for some, sadly, this was their outcome. If the narcissist doesn’t unalive you by hand, the amount of stress you will endure from trying to change them, chase them, or beg them surely will.

If you have children with a narcissist—and yes, I know there are a plethora of articles that cover this topic—it’s best that you create distance and limit communication. Also, I want to touch on something that I don’t see other articles cover…you should also consider limiting conversations with your child as well.

Narcissists can use children to do their dirty work, and it’s not the fault of the child. You want to make sure that major decisions and conversations are not happening around your child for the narcissistic parent to question them and ascertain this information to use against you later on. Keep an eye on your child as well to ensure that they are not developing any narcissistic tendencies.

Aside from social media inflating our egos, one of the best ways to prevent this personality disorder from developing is to keep your child engaged in everyday activities. Do not allow social media to raise your children, and more importantly, do not allow pornographic material to raise them either.

You want them to understand the importance of having someone in their lives and how mistreating someone can have consequences—that person will no longer be around. Parents make the mistake of believing that their son being locked up in their rooms is a good thing, “Oh, he’s just shy.” No, he could be a monster in the making. Indulge your children, and as for you, if you’re codependent on a narcissist, cease all activity right now. Your future self will thank you.


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