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Being Too Independent In a Relationship: Upsides and Downsides

by Danielle Wright

At this point, I believe TikTok to be a stinging satire on relationships.

It’s a stage, and we’ve all got tickets to the show because I find it terribly disturbing that a young lady would come online to share her circumstances with her live-in partner, and yet, it could all just be a lie. The story went a little something like this…

They’ve been together for 7 years, share a child, she works 3 jobs, and when she gets paid, she’s oftentimes broke after paying all the bills but cannot ask him to help her financially, although he works and is paid weekly. I think that about sums it up. While it’s great that these men and women can come online and share their “stories” because it sparks a conversation and can bring about eye-opening revelations, on the other hand, it’s dishonest.

Telling tall tales to deceive an audience is deplorable. But, like I said, it can spark conversations that otherwise would not happen…so, let’s say this story were true, how did she end up here? It’s safe to say that she played the role of an independent woman a little too hard and wrong.

Nothing is wrong with a woman wanting to be successful, have her own money, and cater to herself regularly. In fact, it’s encouraged. Women should aim to be independent in their relationships because men want women who have something going for themselves, not necessarily for the financial aspect, but more so because men want their freedom. A bored woman is an annoying one.


So, you’re all about having your own, paying your own bills, and doing adult things without a man—great. The issue is never that you want to adult; the issue is when you want a man to stand beside you, and you want to adult for both you and him. Men need to be providers; they need to be in their masculine. They need to do what they are programmed to do, and when a woman takes that away from a man, he resents her.

Women who speak highly about being in their masculine are often rude, belligerent, aloof, or condescending to the men they choose to date. But this begs the question: why would you want to date someone who you know is not a provider and then berate them for it? Is the problem not you for choosing such a person? This also applies to the satire lady I mentioned above—why have a child and cohabitate with a man who would rather watch you work 3 jobs and raise your child versus providing for you and your household?

If you want to do it all, a man will let you do it all. More times than not, you’re doing him a favor because now he can go and spend his money on the feminine woman across the street, at the bar—or the woman he met at the strip club who lets him talk about himself and how pitiful his life is without interruption.

And the co-workers who cheer him on when they go for Happy Hour. All in all, his money is his money, and he can do what he wants with it while still coming home to a hot meal and some ass. Who wouldn’t want that? No one likes the idea of struggling, men are not exempt from this; their definitions may differ, sure, but not exempt.

Being too independent and telling a man that he is not needed, only tolerated, is not going to make him love you or want you, let alone change into the man you would like him to be. Since the dawn of time, arguing with a man has never proven itself to have a successful outcome. Men are not like women and do not like to go back and forth all day—the masculine ones anyway. So, if you want to do it on your own, tell him to leave so that you can.

Staying in a relationship with a man as you waste your youth, provide for him, yourself, and your kids is never going to pay off in the end. You’re simply going to grow old and resent yourself for all the times you should have left or did things differently. You’re going to be swimming in regret at an elderly age, expediting your death. Your habits now determine your future.


When you’re independent of a man but still in your feminine energy, this means you can cook, clean, make money, and have a soft life without forcing your partner to feel like their presence is not appreciated. Always take time to appreciate your partner; always allow them the space to lead. Don’t ever think that you should simply "do it" because, if you don’t, it won’t be done correctly. Stop mothering and start partnering. When you do this, you’ll notice that you have more control over your emotions, and your confidence will rise.

Women like this are less likely to be cheated on and left. You have a life; you’re busy, but you’re in love, and you know how to make your partner feel wanted. If, by any chance, he betrays you, you can easily walk away because financially and emotionally, you’re secure. That is what being independent is really about—not competing with a man or allowing him to lie beside you as you work three jobs and raise kids without a commitment.


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