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How to Date An Extrovert When You're An Introvert

by Danielle Wright

Welcome to a world where introversion meets extroversion, and the sparks fly! Navigating the delicate dance of dating can be an exhilarating journey, especially when you find yourself drawn to someone whose energy seems to light up every room they enter.


If you've ever been captivated by the vivacity of an extrovert while quietly cherishing your moments of solitude, you're about to embark on a delightful adventure. So, introverts, fasten your seatbelts as we unlock the secrets to gracefully dating an extrovert – because it's all about striking the perfect balance between two beautifully contrasting worlds.

With everything going on in the world—recession, inflation, natural disasters, aliens, failing relationships, and more—it’s become quite common for people to consider themselves introverts. To either save money or time those who are affected by this treacherous economy are needing a reason to stay inside.


But, the question is, do they? I was speaking with a friend of mine who admitted that she and her boyfriend—although earning a 6-figure income, each—are depressed. They do not travel or go on dates anymore after spending four years together and sharing a home. She says he’s an introvert and she went from being an extrovert to now also being an introvert, but she feels like she is slowly losing her mind.


Related articles: How to Date An Introvert

Related articles: ​Social Hobbies for Introverts


I wondered why that could be since she claims to be extremely happy and that her boyfriend completes her. Well, according to Patti, a Psychotherapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, “Extroverts thrive on social interactions whereas introverts can become physically and mentally depleted by those same interactions. Extroverts would benefit from knowing it isn’t personal that an introvert doesn’t want to spend every waking moment with them. Introverts need time alone no matter how wonderful they find their extroverted partner.”


I presented this newfound information to my friend to which she replied, “Yes, there could be some truth to that because I had to compromise with my boyfriend. But I am afraid that I compromised too much. I agreed to spend time indoors with him for a set amount of days per week if we could then spend a set amount of days outdoors or among friends.


This worked out for all of four weeks before he was suggesting that I head out on my own or with my friends and he will stay back. I then began losing friends because I hated going out without him, it just didn’t feel right. Now, we’re home all the time. He claims it’s to save money but, I doubt that.”


“Compromise can look like going out to a party on Friday night to appease the extrovert and then staying in to watch a movie on Saturday night to allow the introvert some downtime.” Patti confirmed.


On average the relationship between an extrovert and an introvert can be a harmonious one. However, given today’s climate, many introverts are leading themselves into straight isolation, while extroverts are landing themselves into introversion. But without factoring the world around us, “generally, introverts and extroverts differ on how they prioritize spending time. Introverts are often selective about situations and environments that can be overstimulating. The most important thing introverts benefit from is owning their boundaries,” Dr. Daniel Boscaljon tells us.


Boundaries in a relationship are paramount, whether you’re an introvert or not. Most important is staying true to yourself no matter your relationship status. Too often we find that women lose their identities in relationships and become susceptible to a relationship where she is following his lead and even taking on some of his personality traits. This can be the reason for my friend feeling depressed in her relationship.



She assumed the identity of her partner believing it to be a compromise but has since lost the true essence of who she is at her core. Is this a bad thing and can it be rectified? With conversation and compassion, this issue can be modified to accommodate both parties in the relationship. Licensed Psychotherapist, Gary Tucker says, “It is essential to compromise when it comes to scheduling activities or finding a balance between alone time and social time.


Try to have a regular open discussion so both parties can voice their needs and expectations. This will help to ensure that both of you feel supported, heard, and respected in the relationship. But still note that being open doesn't come easily for an introvert, so both must practice patience.


LEARNING

Both extroverts and introverts can learn from one another, “Extroverts can encourage introverts to step outside their comfort zones and enjoy social interactions, while introverts can teach extroverts the value of solitude and reflection,” Marissa Moore shared.


This is why it is important to be able to differentiate between depression and introversion. If your partner is depressed, this is completely different and should be taken seriously. Consider speaking with a licensed couples therapist to help make the distinction and receive the tools necessary to solve this issue. It’s not uncommon to see couples quarrel because one partner may use the term “introvert” versus “depressed” to describe their reason for wanting to isolate. In turn, their extroverted partner can feel misunderstood, abandoned, and discarded leading them to make unfavorable decisions that can lead to the detriment of the relationship.


Psychologist, Dr. Maura Ferguson further elaborates on this, “A critical component in any relationship is for people to respect each other’s differences. Conflict is likely to develop where one person thinks their partner should be more like them. This may mean that the couple finds ways to meet their social needs both within the relationship and in contexts without their partner (such as an extrovert playing on a sports team with friends or an introverted person taking some time away from a busy social schedule to check in with themselves and recharge their batteries).


Different cultures tend to value extroverted characteristics or introverted characteristics more than others which can create challenges in a person’s confidence and self-esteem.”

Related articles: Ending Toxic Relationships


You do not want to lose your relationship due to a lack of information or misinformation, so be sure to do your due diligence and make sure both you and your partner feel safe and confident enough in your relationship to voice your concerns. Even if you’re only dating and have not yet reached relationship status, it can be tough to confide in a “stranger” but the best thing to do is be open and honest.


Dr. Angelica Rivera, DPC, LPC also provided an interesting perspective to consider, “A romantic relationship is built upon mutuality—there should be a shared interest in complementing each other's personality. So instead of wondering, "how to date an extrovert when you're an introvert" the better question is "how can we both understand how we work so we can accommodate each other in a healthy way that draws us closer?" Concerning my friend and her relationship it seems she decided to submit to her partner and his personality, therefore stifling her own to avoid conflict. This can be problematic down the line.


Overall, you want to focus on finding that middle ground with your partner so that you both feel fulfilled in the relationship, “you can agree to certain social events where the introvert can find a quiet space to retreat should they begin to feel overwhelmed,” Lisa Lawless from Holistic Wisdom says.

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