top of page

How To Get A Man Back

by Danielle Wright

This topic, however controversial, is often a real discussion among women for many reasons. Although it has become normalized to expect men to be the reason for a failed relationship, sometimes the woman can be the culprit.

Even though women initiate 90% of divorces, men sometimes decide to leave. Either they’ve met someone new or you cheated—then, as we all know, the majority of men do not forgive and will exit the relationship, unlike their counterparts.


“Throughout my eight-year career as a relationship coach and author, I’ve seen and heard many women speak about losing their boyfriends due to their infidelity or their bad temper. In cases like this, women do seek advice on the best practices for rekindling the romance, but I always advise against it. Men are not like women when it comes to second chances, and reconnecting if it’s not on their terms may not bode well,” says Lisa K. Stephenson.


As women, we have to allow ourselves grace the same way we extend it to men. As the saying goes, he was young, he didn’t know any better. For women, the same can be true. Perhaps you’re young and impressionable and you made a mistake and needed some time to mature and learn from your blunders. But does this mean that you’ll be forgiven, and there’s a play-by-play on how to win your man back? That niche is reserved for men and for a good reason.


LEARNING A LESSON

People mess up; this doesn’t make you a perpetual villain because you lost your temper, said some foul things, cheated, or whatever else you might have done to warrant your partner leaving. The important thing is that you take this moment to deep dive into why it happened and what drove you to make those decisions.


“When a man leaves a relationship, it’s always for a reason, and the average man isn’t going to leave a sure thing for a possible. In other words, sex with you is a sure thing, which means if he leaves without securing a replacement, he could be sexless for weeks, maybe months. If he’s left you and you’re interested in getting him back for whatever reason, you’re now in competition with your replacement.”


Given the aforementioned information, you’re likely going to be deprioritized because of this. Now, of course, not all men are like this; some men may sulk and are not rebound warriors, but in that case, returning or fighting for his love and attention once again will only serve as an ego boost. Even if he does take you back, he will not treat you as well as he did before.


BOY MATH

The chase and what it means for men: the act of achieving something deemed unattainable by other men boosts their sense of confidence. A sure way for a man to know that he does not have to worry about losing you is when you return to him without any effort on his part. It takes two to be in a relationship, it takes two to argue, and it takes two to ruin a relationship. Oftentimes, men do not leave relationships and will resort to treating their girlfriends or situationships horribly, hoping that she will be the one to pull the plug. This ensures that he retains his innocence, and thus, you can be the guilty party and come running back.


If this was his tactic and now you’re looking to get back into his good graces, you’re no longer a challenge. He is now going to actively pursue another woman, one who he feels has higher standards and isn’t gullible. One who he feels is unattainable to him and other men.

Related articles: 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding


Instead, what you should focus on is taking the lessons you’ve learned and applying them to a new relationship. Did you ever notice that when you end a relationship with a man who treated you extremely badly, the part that hurts the most is when he’s moved on and you begin thinking that he’s treating the next woman better? This can apply to men as well. So instead of longing for him and trying to resuscitate that relationship, move on to someone else. This may incite some jealousy in him, but that’s better than you choosing to return and grovel at his feet.


He will lose all respect for you.

Related articles: What is Self-Abandonment?


LONELINESS DOES NOT MEAN RECONCILIATION

Take a moment and ask yourself, "What did I see in this guy?" When you take off the rose-colored glasses, you can finally see the relationship for what it was…crappy. If he didn’t show up for you the way you needed him to, wasn’t attentive, and became lazy over time, then he’s not the man for you. Love does not change, so don’t believe that his actions should be modified the longer you’re together. Men who love and adore their partners do so for the duration of their relationship.


Work on building your confidence and raising your self-esteem because no matter what, you should never chase a man. “Our worth and confidence should not be based on the romantic pursuit of others. However, if you’re struggling to move on and feeling confident in relationships, it could be helpful to work on your feelings of self-worth. Start by practicing self-care, creating boundaries, and surrounding yourself with supportive and empowering individuals,” says Christian Miller from Discover Italy.


During this time, you may find yourself struggling with feelings of isolation and loneliness, but that’s never an excuse to go back to something you had to heal from. “A therapist or counselor can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for you to explore your feelings and work through underlying issues that may be causing your isolation. This can also provide coping strategies and support as you navigate building new relationships.”


Love and light.

Comments


bottom of page