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When a Guy Breaks Up With You, Will He Come Back?

by Danielle Wright

There are many misconceptions surrounding relationships in today’s climate, mainly because it’s become so easy for someone to label themselves as a ‘trauma coach’, ‘relationship coach’, or ‘life coach’. The reality is, nothing is ever black and white. We spend so much time trying to teach others about everybody else when the truth is, we simply do not have the answers.

We can speculate, sure, and of course, use information backed by science along with our environment to reach a plausible conclusion. But ask yourself, who is giving me this advice? Is this person in a position I want to be in, in the foreseeable future? Does this person come from the same environment as me? That last one is a big one because a person who grew up in Calabasas, California cannot relate to a single mom having relationship problems in Queens, New York. So, although her advice may make sense, she cannot relate to your struggles.

Men and women are different in how they view relationships and environment has a huge role to play. Today, however, we're going to focus on the former—one date for love, one date for convenience, and logical choice. This explains why some men who have been married for 10+ years will sometimes admit to still missing a woman they dated 20 years ago and still having her in their hearts.

The problem is, she’s moved on and so, by the time he was ready to marry he snatched up the first girl who checked all of his boxes. Does this mean he does not love her? No. It means that men simply view love differently. It means that she is more of a convenience for him, therefore, he will probably have no issues with going 50/50 with her or using weaponized incompetence.

He will give her children and he will create a home, but let that woman from 20 years ago reenter the picture somehow, he will be gone without any question or conversation.

Related articles: 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding


The short answer is yes, sometimes they do. But why? When a man decides to leave a relationship it’s because he’s already decided that he no longer wants to be there. You know how women leave the relationship emotionally and then the body follows—well for men, not so much.

The physical aspect of a relationship is oftentimes meaningless to most men, so they do not place the same value on it—but make no mistake, good sex is a must. Their emotional state and willingness to provide for you is what takes precedence. So, for men, their finances will leave and then their bodies will follow.

If you notice he’s scaling back on how much he invests in you or he’s starting to complain about your lack of contribution to the household (i.e. finances) then he is essentially planning his escape. Now, when this sort of thing happens it is unlikely that he will return. Not because he no longer has love for you but mainly because he does not feel it is logical to keep you around in that same role.

After some time has passed, if he’s still single he may ‘spin the block’ looking for you to occupy a position in his life that grants you fewer resources (i.e. a situationship or side chick). You’re getting demoted, hun.


No man is too proud to come back because their dick speaks louder than their brain. If you go back to offer him sex with no strings, most of the time, he will take it. But, in most cases, he has to strategically plan how he is going to approach you to manipulate you into giving him what he wants while you get nothing in return.

But, let’s say things ended badly, yet, he does not think he did anything wrong. You could be waiting around for an apology that will never come because like I mentioned earlier, by the time he’s ready to leave he’s already been planning it for some time. Also, most men will tell you what is wrong in the relationship before they make their exit. It’s to get you to fix it, but you see, most women don’t listen to men and so those issues will go unresolved. So when he leaves, he’ll feel justified in doing so.

Men know how hard it is for them to find a woman who will have sex with them. That is why to them it is illogical to leave a relationship without having another prospect lined up. If he’s unphased about the breakup he’s already moved on and has been pouring his resources into someone else. So no, he is not too proud to come back, he’s already weighed things out in his mind; if he doesn’t come back it’s because for him not even the sex is worth it.


As I mentioned earlier, sometimes yes. This is called the grass is greener syndrome. People who live with the syndrome find it difficult to commit to a partner because they’re always convinced that a better match is out there.

He may leave for a period and then return because the person he left you for did not work out. I had this happen to me and let me tell you, it’s not a nice feeling. There was never a moment I felt like the winner in this situation because although he returned it was not to give me the previous position I once held, it was to make me a placeholder.

I am what is familiar and since he’s the one who left me I still had feelings for him and he knew this. So he returned, sure, only for sex and to use me while he was searching for his next girlfriend or even his wife.

All in all, ladies, do not allow him back into your life once he decides to leave! No amount of excuses will condone that—men and women are not the same. A woman may have a temper tantrum and leave the relationship (not saying this is acceptable), but it’s a fleeting feeling. She is not waiting months or years to go back to her man. While for men, their leaving is a calculation, a well-thought-out plan. Do you see the difference? Why would you want them back? That’s right, you don’t. We are onto bigger and better.


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