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How To Get a Guy To Respect You After Sleeping With Him

by Lisa K. Stephenson

Contrary to popular belief, women often ask how to get a man to respect them once they've had sex. The truth is, men do not view sex the same way women do; they never have, and they never will. Sex does not determine your value in a man's eyes.

Image Credit: CSA-Printstock / Getty Images

For women, dating an attractive man is easy. We see someone we like, and then we create a personality for them in our minds. Oftentimes, this version of the man we've created is based on what we think will make us happy. However, this idealized version of the man doesn't necessarily align with who he truly is, and when we realize this, we're disappointed. But in truth, we disappoint ourselves.

Shitty men exist – men who are deadbeats, liars, broke, neglectful, emotionally immature, unintelligent, and the list goes on. The problem is that these men still have access to women because women don't always give men the space to be themselves. For example, some women have children with men who, when seen by others, raise the question, 'How on earth did you allow him to get you pregnant?'

Once he meets the physical criteria, a woman often assigns a personality and aesthetic that pleases her. In this scenario, if you've slept with a guy who likely didn't deserve your body in the first place, you might find him becoming distant, or his interest might wane.

I discussed this topic with a friend. He argued that men do not respect a woman any less for sleeping with them on the first date compared to the tenth, which I didn't necessarily disagree with. He then shared with me his situation involving two women he was currently seeing. One of them would visit his place for sex, while the other he would visit for the same reason. His last encounter with the second woman included her cooking him dinner, and they eventually had sex before going to sleep.

The next day, he showed me text messages from these women, both of whom were now asking for dates and to be taken seriously. During our conversation, he laughed at their requests. I told him that this was going to happen and explained that the reason he didn't want to date them was because he didn't like them enough. He, however, argued that I was wrong.

Fast forward a few days, and he meets a new young lady as he is heading home. They spoke briefly and exchanged numbers. My friend then messaged me, saying, 'I met this girl today, and I think you were right because I'm planning a date to take her out this weekend. I don't know what it is, just something about her.' So, you see, two women, both of whom are sleeping with him, and one of whom cooks him dinner, are not considered good enough to date. However, the stranger he barely knows will get a date.

A man's respect for you is not solely determined by sex or the lack thereof. Several other factors are essential.


Most men possess a wealth of knowledge, and they tend to become closer to women who provide them with space to share this knowledge. Have you ever wondered why men and women who are just friends often, at some point in their friendship, develop feelings for each other? Typically, it's the man who falls in love with the woman over time.

This happens because women often turn to their male friends for advice on various topics, including other men and life goals. A man who teaches a woman something may grow attracted to her. This situation illustrates why some independent women are criticized by men. When she's excessively independent, it may leave no room for him to offer his guidance. Men often feel the need to share their knowledge. Does the 'damsel in distress' archetype sound familiar?


Here's the recipe for making a man fall in love (No sex, at least for a while) + A Problem + Feminine Energy + A Touch of Playfulness + Healthy Standards = Love. Men like to feel needed. If you constantly appear to have your life perfectly together and any issues arise, your immediate response is to call a contractor or get your father or brother to handle it, the man you're seeing may lose interest.

On the other hand, if you present a problem and he doesn't eagerly jump at the opportunity to help you solve it, it could be because you've already engaged in sexual activity, he's focusing his attention on another woman, or he's simply not interested in you. In essence, many masculine men view sex as one of the most valuable things a woman can offer. So, if you give away this important aspect of yourself with little to no effort, is he really to blame for not wanting to exert additional energy?


Men often have a dating budget, and they'll assess your value based on your presentation. Your nails, hair, skin, and clothing all contribute to a man's perception of your worth. Most men aren't swimming in hundred-dollar bills or earning six figures, but if he genuinely likes you, he'll find ways to treat you within his budget and seek to improve his finances.

Additionally, I'd like to address the topic of asking a man for financial assistance. When a man genuinely likes you, he's eager to help you solve your problems. You don't have to explicitly request anything. Just share what's happening in your life or what you're planning to do:

  • "I'm getting my nails done today."

  • "I need a new tire, and it's quite expensive."

  • "I'm shopping for a new outfit for our date tonight."

These are not direct requests; they are statements with cues that a provider-type man can interpret. If you find yourself in a situation where you need to explicitly ask a man for money or assistance, it might be an indication that he doesn't like you enough.


After you've been intimate with a man, it's possible that your attitude might shift, and your charisma could change, leading to him pulling away. Some men believe that once they've been physically involved with a woman, she'll become emotionally attached and fall in love. But if you take a different approach, it can capture his interest, and he may become the one pursuing you.

You're wondering how to earn a man's respect after being intimate with him because it seems like respect wasn't a priority before. The moral of the story is to prioritize what feels right for you in your relationships. While it's essential to maintain mutual respect and open communication, remember that each person and relationship is unique. No universal tricks or games are needed to find the right partner who truly values and respects you.


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