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What is Masculine Energy?

by Adriana Williams & Lisa K. Stephenson

The term masculine energy has been defined and practiced differently worldwide. But what is it and what role does this play in relationships? Whether you were born a male or female, you have a masculine side. But depending on your gender this energy can be more prominent. There is a positive and a negative to this as many men can exude what is called “toxic masculinity” but more on that later.


Learning what is masculine energy can do a few things: it can help you to attract more positive masculine males and it can help you step into your feminine energy whether you are seeking a mate or not. Masculine energy is the side of your being that is responsible for taking action.


Please allow me to digress a moment, the simple yet harsh truth that many women seem to disregard today, therefore, sending themselves into a frenzy is, how do I know if he is into me? Masculine energy is action. If a man is not taking action towards you (i.e. planning dates, initiating conversations, making you feel special) he is simply not interested. There, that answers that and we did not need a 300-page book to do it.


As I was saying…things like decision making, logic, confidence, and proactiveness are typical traits of masculine energy. Developing a positive masculine side means finding the confidence to promptly decide your best options. I can relate this to dating.


A man does not need 6-8 months of dating one person to decide if she will be his girlfriend nor does a man need to serial date for several months before deciding on one woman to primarily focus on. This is a male with positive masculine energy, you can expect him to make confident decisions promptly and take action where needed, but not without careful consideration amid relaxation and peace.


Additionally, positive masculine energy provides a deep love for your feelings – this is the side of masculinity that women possess. Men are drawn to women because of how the presence of a woman brings about a connection of feelings. Some men can very easily lose focus of their feelings and decide without having done the work. But this is all for speed, and this is why balance is so significant.


Your feminine energy keeps his masculine energy slow, steady, peaceful, and emotionally connected. His masculine energy keeps decisions prompt, your lives active – steadily moving forward – and protected. If you find yourself making decisions in your relationship or asking for a position in a man’s life because he is unsure of you, then already you are leaning too far into your masculinity and need to take a step back.

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MANAGING YOUR EXPECTATIONS:

Men who are comfortable with their emotions and exuding said emotions can be considered better life mates. We take, for example, Aiden vs. Mr. Big in Sex and the City. It was obvious which mate Carrie Bradshaw should have chosen, but like most women, she missed the thrill, the chase, the emotionally unavailable and therefore toxic masculine male. Why? Because with this feeling of ease and complacency we tend to feel that we have acquired it without fuss, therefore devaluing it. We will end up taking it for granted – hence her cheating on Aiden with Mr. Big.


Negative Masculine Energy for example, when Mr. Big decides to go to Paris without even so much as mentioning this to Carrie – his girlfriend at the time. His behavior was prominent and done without much thought to their relationship. He has a will to succeed but no desire for true love, at least with her anyway, yet she goes back for more.


Men such as this can accomplish a lot, but it will come at the expense of the feelings of those around them. The foundation of this is a disconnection between the mind and heart. In cases like this, you have to manage your expectations of the relationship. Do you want someone so disconnected from reality and your feelings that he is ready to up and leave you and your relationship at any given moment?


Positive masculine is always interested in how you [feel]. Negative masculine or toxic masculine is usually impatient and frustrated and moves swiftly to “get it over with”. There is no safe way to build a loving and healthy relationship with someone like this. No matter how hard you try, before you know it, you’ll be calling them a narcissist and telling the therapist that you were discarded. In reality, you were just trying to bend a man to your will who has already established his.


Manage your expectations by acknowledging what you want in a partner and sticking to that list.


This statement stood out to me, “Negative masculine dislikes the process of listening to feelings. It rejects certain feelings because they are problematic. It doesn’t want the feeling that you feel to be what you feel so it rushes through things and makes decisions that suit its purposes. Negative masculine is rooted in selfishness.” – The Meditate Center



As of 2022 more women are finding it easier to stand in their masculine energy (i.e. aggression, analytical, logical, busy, hard, controlling) and more men are slowly tapping into their femininity (i.e. calm, patient, surrendering to emotions, receiving, being) and are chastised for it in some cases.


We want men to be in tuned to their emotions when they are emotionally unavailable, but when they are we as women do not respond to this action. Men are driven by action to achieve results. Ask yourself, would you go to work if it did not earn you a paycheck? Should a man work on being more inclined with his femininity if the outcome is less sex and respect from women? The simple answer is no.


For a healthy relationship to exist both parties should be understanding of their energies and willing to tap into them respectfully enough for the relationship to flourish. Otherwise, it’ll be another Carrie and Mr. Big and in reality, there’s no future there.


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