top of page

How To Respond To Unwanted Flirting

by Danielle Wright

As a retired, ‘Nice Girl’, let’s get into it…

Once upon a time not long ago I was a hoe…. If you don’t know that song, it’s by Mariahlynn from Love and Hip Hop (read her partial interview here).

But yes, when I was going through my hoe phase I met and dated a plethora of men, but I only slept with about (4) of them in one summer. Ahh, the good times. However, aside from just meeting these men I was traveling, making money, working out and just living my best life. So of course, when you’re in a good space mentally you begin to attract all kinds of men. We talk about the law of attraction a lot here. It’s no surprise that when you feel good on the inside you will attract more people on the outside.

So, while I was attracting more people, I was not interested in everybody that I met. Sure, some of those men were physically attractive but that’s never enough for me. During this phase of my life, I wondered, “How can I let these men down easily?” The truth is, I shouldn’t have cared.

It is not my job or yours to spare anyone’s feelings towards you, especially if that someone is not of importance in your life. Let me explain…if someone does not add value to you—especially a man—then why should you care about their feelings? First of all, most men are so emotionally void that they do not care about a woman unless she is doing something for them first.

Men only care for, protect and invest in women who they feel will get them a return on their investment, their family or they truly like her. In other words, if you’re flirting with a guy, he may very well flirt back but it’s only for the sole purpose of trying to get you into bed; not to make you a girlfriend, much less a wife.

He will place all the responsibility on you—

  • It will be your responsibility to not get pregnant

  • It will be your responsibility to not catch feelings

Let’s take Sex & the City’s Samantha Jones for example as she is the perfect depiction of this…Samantha is a nympho. Jones spends the majority of her time meeting men, flirting, and having sex. In one episode a man from her building begins flirting with her and although she is unattracted to him, she sleeps with him anyway with Carrie narrating, “…to shut him up, she slept with him.

Despite all of her sexual encounters—even with the exchange of oral sex—Jones came up sick, crying to Carrie because none of the men she’s had relations with were available to help her or nurse her back to health.

You see, despite having giving her body, flirting, and in that one instance took pity on a man just because he liked her, Samantha came up short. She ended up with no one in her time of need. The best way to deal with unwanted flirting is to ignore it or if you’re getting annoyed by their advances, simply tell them you’re not interested.

For women who are outdoors and have to turn down men, that can feel scary.

Here are a few recommendations:

OFFER THEM YOUR GOOGLE VOICE NUMBER – If you don’t have one by now, get one. Google Voice is an alternate phone number given to you that works like a regular number. This means strangers will not have your real phone number and will be unable to trace you online.

CONSIDER SHOPPING OUR SINGLE SAFETY STORE – Here at She’s SINGLE we offer a self-defense bag with numerous items for you to keep right in your handbag for your safety.

Our Self-Defense Keychain includes:

  • Empty Spray Bottle

  • Pepper Spray

  • Flashlight

  • Pocket Kni**

And more…It’s perfect!

Being nice gets you nowhere. Only give your time to men who you are genuinely interested in because most men are not flirting with you for the chance to become your prince charming—they just want sex without the responsibilities. If you give in to their advancements for any reason you will be at a loss in every direction. Once you catch feelings—because you’re bound to—these men will see you as weak and an object to take advantage of.

Protect yourself both physically and mentally and understand that turning down a man is your right as a human being. You do not owe anyone your kindness, loyalty, affection, time, and attention. Men who become belligerent towards women who ignore them are not only a threat to women, but a threat to society, so if you have to involve the authorities for your protection, do so.

Your safety is your top priority and ours, too. We value every one of our readers and want you to keep your self-esteem intact. Arm yourself with one of our self-defense keychains—plus, if you’re a loyalty member you can get it for free, simply use your points.

More importantly, while it may seem innocent enough, do not ignore cyberstalkers and people who stay in your DM having full-on conversations with themselves when you’re ignoring their advances. Men or women like that do not respect boundaries, it would be imprudent of you to then give them your time.

Remember, you are a prize and you should not give yourself away freely. If they are not your type and not someone you want to entertain, do not feel bad for saying no. Men do not settle for women they are not attracted to and if they do, they will spend the duration of the relationship belittling her, putting down her self-esteem, using her and in some extreme cases, cheating or becoming physically abusive. You do not need that in your life. So, don’t settle.


bottom of page