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How to Tell If a Woman Is Attracted to You

by Danielle Wright

When it comes to dating, two types of men are often observed: those who rely on their appearance to attract women, and those who depend on their "nice guy persona" for the same purpose.

In the modern dating landscape, numerous men are drawn to YouTube channels like the red pill community for guidance. However, the reality is quite different from these narratives—pretending to be disinterested is not necessary to win a woman's affection. Conventional wisdom might lead one to think that only women's physical appearance matters, but that's far from accurate.

We all have our preferences and wants when it comes to how we envision our significant other. The difference is, most men will settle with who they can get and most women will settle with whoever meets their needs, whatever those needs may be. The pressure for a man to be seen with attractive women is far higher than that of a woman to be with a man of means. So, you see, a woman can date a less attractive man who is not financially well off, meanwhile, most men will not date or claim an unattractive woman.

A woman’s beauty is the equivalent of a man’s wealth. Both have collateral and both matter.


The average man will love to date and marry a woman who looks like Rihanna, but most will believe a woman of that caliber may require an attractive man with means. She needs her hair done, her nails, eyebrows, and more. But, the truth is, to attract a woman like that you need confidence and money. Additionally, you need to be generous.

An attractive man to marry a woman like Rihanna needs patience and the ability to make her laugh. What about her upkeep and maintenance? Well, the average woman is diligent about her appearance when she (a) is single or (b) is dating an unattractive man who can afford her lifestyle. If she marries for love the likelihood that she will maintain her aesthetic is slim.

To dive deeper, women know how to attract men but have a hard time keeping them—the attractive man has a wandering eye, is nonchalant, most times a narcissist, selfish, and keeps her on her toes, so if she’s spending all her time worrying about him and trying to overcompensate in the relationship she is no longer focused too much on herself. So, this attractive man she managed to appeal to is now on to the next. He’s still in demand because he still has a single mindset—she is a placeholder to him, not his gamechanger.

Whereas, for the man who relies on his personality or “nice guy persona” to get the girl, she has to grow to love him. It takes more time for her to become invested which means more time for her to grow accustomed to keeping up with herself while maintaining her presence and status in the relationship. She is not as concerned about looking good for him, just simply looking good for herself which is the same mindset she has while single—he is a placeholder to her, not her gamechanger.

When two people come together who are each other's gamechanger, do you notice how it’s not impossible to see them both looking unkempt and carefree, or the opposite, both refined and gorgeous? They have come to accept each other, flaws and all. When one outshines the other, the mindsets are not equal—one is for love, and the other is for lifestyle, fun, or play.


Like men, attraction is not hard to achieve and so, if you’re attractive you will attract women. Just like when a man likes a woman, men know when a woman likes him. There are no grey areas. She is invested, she is questioning why he doesn’t call or come by, she is interested in no sex time, and in some cases rushes sex. Women who are attracted to men want to hold long conversations, and you will notice that you are the first person she tells good and bad news. She views you as both a good listener and a problem solver.

When a woman is no longer interested in speaking to you about her problems, she no longer believes you are capable of solving them—the attraction is slim, and her interest in fading. Also, keep in mind that a genuine woman looking for a connection does not simply view problem solving as financial assistance, it could be help installing something in her apartment or a DIY project. Just be open minded. What the red pill channels do not tell you is that it is not all about looks, but for both parties looks matter—men want pretty women, women want handsome men. Both are responsible for keeping up their appearance.

In my honest opinion, there is no such thing as a physically unattractive man, there are only low-self esteem men. Once you have a haircut, a nice style, confidence, and good grooming habits, you will attract a woman, any woman. Men who have a hard time keeping women or attracting them are the men who project their insecurities onto women.

He thinks he’s not good enough so he calls her all the time, checks her phone, and complains when she takes long to text back, all in all, he doesn’t have patience. Do you remember what I said at the beginning of the article when describing what the attractive and unattractive man needs to get a woman? Patience is key when pursing a woman.

Related articles: Toxic Codependency

Remember, you reached out to her, you asked her on a date, you uprooted her—you are a stranger to who she is giving her time, patience is necessary. The attractive man can have this because he’s most likely juggling multiple women at a time. Whereas the guy who thinks he’s unattractive feels he should not spend his time doing other things outside of his pursuit.

It’s healthy for you to have things going on outside of your talking stage, relationship, etc. The only thing any sane woman wants from a man pursuing her is a text during the day, a phone call at night, emotional intelligence, confidence, and planned outings. The rest will unfold naturally.

The reason you aren’t getting women isn’t because you’re a ‘nice guy’, it’s because you rely so heavily on that persona that you think a woman should appreciate and fall in love with you for being a decent human being aka the bare minimum. You make women the center of your world and you have no life outside of them. You are codependent. Men like you and ‘fuck boys’ are the same, except one is overtly toxic, while the other, is covert. Work on your personality and patience.


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