by Danielle Wright
Did you know that there’s a day when you are [supposed] to text your ex? It’s called National Ex-Boyfriend Day. On October 30th whether you usually do the breaking up or are the one who was broken up with, National Ex-Boyfriend Day doesn’t discriminate. So, where did this come from, and should you follow it?
The overuse of social media has become so damaging that we do not know what to do with ourselves sometimes. I say this because why are we even thinking of exes? The short answer is, we can’t escape that feeling of, “what are they up to now?” because the answer is at our disposal.
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Make no mistake, it’s a dangerous game to be played by the most daring of people. You see, I like my heart in my chest and have no desire to go back to feeling it in my ankles or willingly induce my anxiety. But in today’s climate, it seems most, if not all of us have become a masochist—willing to put ourselves through so much hurt, and for what? Validation, easing the curiosity…
Gone are the days when we would ride our bikes to one another’s homes and hang out all day reading books like, The Baby-Sitters Club, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, My Girl or binge-watch TV shows on ABC. Even before text messaging, we had our best friends by our sides, telling us not to reach out to our exes and move on with our lives. Back then, it was easier to get over someone because the idea of cyberstalking them did not exist.
SOCIAL MEDIA IS KEEPING US STUCK ON PAST RELATIONSHIPS MAKING IT HARDER TO MOVE ON
How did this come to be? Dopamine hit. The average time it takes to get over someone is half the time you spent together, this means a three-year relationship will take about one and a half years to heal from. When they say love is a drug, they mean it. Dopamine inspires us to take action to meet our needs and desires. If during that one-and-a-half-year period you begin to miss that dopamine hit, you’re going to stalk your ex online, therefore, extending your healing period.
Now your brain has gotten that hit and wants more. Hence the stalking continues and you remain hooked to a person in the 5D. This is why no contact is so important and can potentially save your life and mental health. When it comes to social media, we are abusing a useful and necessary system. We shouldn’t do it, even though we can.
Dopamine was discovered in 1957 and is one of the twenty major neurotransmitters that carry urgent messages between neurons, nerves, and other cells in the body. These neurotransmitters ensure our hearts keep beating, our lungs keep breathing, and in dopamine’s case, we know to get a glass of water when we are feeling thirsty. Knowing where to find your ex, how to search for them, and how to ease that anxiety is your dopamine hit.
While some say that on National Ex Boyfriend Day you should text an ex to:
Heal Old Wounds
Possibly Get Back Together
Throw a Party
We say…do any of the above at your own risk. Seeking closure from a past relationship is nothing but an ego boost for them and an ego death for you. You want to remain high-value and keep moving forward. There is no point returning to what hurt you. The answers you seek are simply to make you feel better about them no longer being around.
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But the truth is, you’re just not the one they want anymore. The sooner we start to see people as people instead of property to own, the sooner we can accept that everyone has free will. A person can love you today and be gone tomorrow and that is perfectly fine because you have to love yourself first. Get used to the idea that you have you until the day you die.
Healing old wounds starts and ends with you, not the other person. Immediately when you decide to contact an ex to heal—thinking that what broke you can fix you—you will end up feeling worse than before. The person who broke your heart did not consider your feelings when they had you, why do you believe they will consider it now that they’re gone? What truth are you hoping they will admit? The truth that they did not care about you? That will simply hurt you more. So, the best advice is to stay no contact.
You don’t want them back; you just want to feel better. Dopamine is insatiable, you have to fill that void with something which is why exercising works best. Not only will it boost your confidence, but you will be getting the dopamine hit which helps to reduce your anxiety and your need to “contact your ex”.
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Lastly, if you share a tiny human with your ex and are truly just having a hard time moving on, but you and your ex are very good friends, perhaps consider throwing an ex-party. I say share a tiny human because let’s face it, if you are not tethered to a past partner then you have no real reason to remain in contact with them. Invite your friends and some past people you’ve dated, ask your ex to do the same and make an event out of it, you may meet someone awesome.
Don’t take this day too seriously, just know that you have options and we’re here if you need more help or advice.