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He Keeps Making Plans and Then Cancelling

by Danielle Wright

Dating has inadvertently become the Hunger Games; may the best player win.

So, in a game where you’re not set up to play and the options are to participate or lose, what do you do? Well, you take a stand. Most men work hard and value the things they work hard for—whether it's their job or their family, and in some cases, even friendships. No matter what it is, if he has to earn it, he’ll appreciate it.

When a man keeps making plans and canceling, it’s simply because he has not invested anything into you; he has options, and you more than likely met him on social media or a dating app. It’s no secret that men who pick up women online are less likely to exert energy; this is especially true for dating apps. Sure, there are numerous articles online that talk about the loneliness epidemic and how men are just not happy being single. But the truth is, their lack of enthusiasm about singlehood does not stem from being lonely; it’s from a lack of finances, having a caretaker aka wife or their expectations being too high.

Related articles: How to Date An Introvert

Social media has led men to believe that all women favor a Lori Harvey or Kim Kardashian and, in some cases, Rihanna. They want the Instagram model who will go 50/50, not take them for granted, cater to them sexually, wait on them and be loyal. When in fact, most of the men who seek this type of woman are not attractive, fun, or financially stable enough to attract this type of woman.

The men who can attract the aforementioned women are 8/10, which means they're most likely to be players. Men who are not as attractive will seek to adapt some of the behaviors a handsome man exhibits, believing that this level of toxicity is how to keep a woman horny and happy. The reality is, men just are not what they’ve perceived themselves to be, and so they keep disappointing themselves.


Dating apps are not a healthy way to meet a potential partner or husband. Some men on dating apps are in relationships or married, and sure, even in public, you’re likely to run into someone who is married, but the bet you’re taking on yourself when deleting the apps is that when you organically meet someone, they are more likely to invest in actually getting to know you.

For example, I went to the supermarket the other day and met a man while cashing out my groceries. He offered to pay for them, to which I obliged. Shortly thereafter, we exchanged numbers and I went to my car. When I got to my car, he shot me a text and at the top of the thread, Apple showed his contact name and photo. I took a closer look and noticed that his contact photo was an image of him and his wife! I responded back, asking him if he’s married, to which he replied, “Yes, is that going to be a problem?” The text thread is below if you want to take a look. So, I get it! Organically meeting someone has its risks, but it’s still the best option by a long shot.


If you are serious about dating and want to find the person for you, studies show that 87% of people married someone they met through a mutual friend. Men who meet women in familiar settings—get-togethers, work, or events—are less likely to be flaky. The idea that a woman can tarnish his reputation among the people he has to see regularly or his friends is not something that will sit well with him. A man’s word and his reputation are two of the most important things to him.

This is usually why you’ll notice that if a man is not interested in you romantically, he will never introduce you to his friends or family. He will always have an excuse as to why you cannot come around. It’s not always because he’s involved with someone else. He simply does not want you to be able to taint his name for when he decides to move on.


Coffee shops, libraries, and the gym! Those are your golden spots for meeting a man who could potentially turn out to be a good catch. However, you want to be mindful of the neighborhood these third places are in. If you’re someone who wants to date a man who comes from money or is financially well off himself, then you want to search online for luxury neighborhoods, but be vigilant because these neighborhoods are also crawling with married men looking for a mistress.

Never date or sleep with a married man, no matter how tempting; those men will try to buy your affection, or in some cases, expect it for free. But karma is real, so do not indulge. Also, married men will cancel plans and expect you to be comfortable with it. After a while, this will take a toll on your self-esteem. Keep your standards high and do not compromise on your value.

Related articles: Why is Dating So Hard

Men who make plans and then cancel or redirect them (for example, he sends you a restaurant, date, and time, and then on the day of, asks you to ditch that idea and just come to his place) are men whose intentions are not good! You don’t need a coach to tell you that this is a red flag, so that’s not what this article is about. If you take anything away from this, just know that men value their investments.

It takes confidence to approach a woman in public and hope that she will respond and give them the time of day; thus, that is an investment. Once he gets past that hurdle, he is more likely to invest in you going forward. If all he has to do is sit on his couch or at his desk at work and swipe to get a conversation from you, he is not going to be invested, and you can expect him to waste your time.


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